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Plastic Surgery in Korea

Plastic Surgery in Korea VBnYA
A glance chart depicts number of plastic surgery procedures conducted by Korean men and women in 2014. it is evident that Korean female are more tempted to perform cosmetic surgeries with over hundred numbers of users than Korean male. Elegance and glamour are important for women live in Korea, especially eyelid appearance. It has the highest number of surgery users of approaching 350. 000, followed by nose surgery, so-called Rhinoplasty with almost 300. 000 users. Korean female also concern with cosmetic surgery for other eye-catching bodies, such as skin, breast and lips, so as to attract their beauty. As well as women, Korean men are contributed to artificial body-shape surgeries in recent years. The hair transplantation are the most popular cosmetic operation among other surgeries for men. Skin resurfacing, nose reshaping and moreover abdominoplasty, a stomach surgery, are also undergone by averagely 20. 000 to 60. 000 men in Korea. Beyond this, Korean men also perform other type of surgeries with number of below 20. 000.
A glance chart depicts
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number
of plastic surgery procedures conducted by Korean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and women in

2014. it is evident that Korean female are more tempted to perform cosmetic surgeries with
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over


Use "a hundred" or use a number before 'hundred'.
hundred
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numbers
of users than Korean male.

Elegance and glamour are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Korea,
especially
eyelid appearance. It has
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the


A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of surgery users of approaching 350. 000, followed by nose surgery,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called

Rhinoplasty with almost 300. 000 users. Korean female
also
concern with cosmetic surgery for
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other


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
eye-catching
bodies, such as skin, breast and lips,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
attract their beauty.

As well
as women, Korean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are contributed
to artificial body-shape surgeries in recent years. The

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
hair
transplantation are the most popular cosmetic operation among other surgeries for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Skin

resurfacing, nose reshaping and
moreover
Possible spelling mistake found.
abdominoplasty
, a stomach surgery, are
also
undergone by

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
averagely
20. 000 to 60. 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in Korea. Beyond this, Korean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
also
perform other type
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
surgeries
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of below 20. 000.
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IELTS academic Plastic Surgery in Korea

Academic
  American English
12 paragraphs
166 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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