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Pie charts shows school leavers

Pie charts shows school leavers Vrjwm
The pie charts illustrate what school leavers did after they left secondary school in 1980, 1990 and 2000. ( unemployment, employment and futher education) Overall, it is clear that the percentage of younges who employed was more in all three years. Whereas the amount of unemployed leavers was smaller than others in given periods. In 1980, the percent of employed was 40, then increased to 50 for a decade. Also continued growing to 55 percent next year, and was the largest proportion of school leavers who employed. However, the number of unemployed was the smallest in three years
The pie charts illustrate what
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
did after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
secondary school in 1980, 1990 and 2000.
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
unemployment, employment and
Possible spelling mistake found.
futher
education)

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the percentage of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "young", the plural form of the noun 'young'?
younges
who employed was more in all three years.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
the amount of unemployed leavers was smaller than others in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
periods.

In 1980, the percent of employed was 40, then increased to 50 for a decade.
Also
continued growing to 55 percent
next
year, and was the largest proportion of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
who employed.
However
, the number of unemployed was the smallest in three years

IELTS academic Pie charts shows school leavers

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
97 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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