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Pie charts showings the expenses in a school from 1981 to 2001

Pie charts showings the expenses in a school from 1981 to 2001 66Oy0
The three pie charts illustrates the expenditure of a school in UK from 1981 to 2001. Overall, the school spends largely on teachers salary and least spend is the insurance. Furniture and Equipment, Resources and other workers salaries have dramatic changes in the expenditure over the time period. Units are measured in percentages. In 1981, 40% of the expenses were dedicated for teachers salaries and it rose by 10% in the year 1991. The money spend on furniture and equipment was 15% where it has decline to 5% and then rose to 23% in 2001. Other workers salaries have also dramatically crashed from 1981 to 2001 (28% to 23% respectively). Expenditure on the resources like books were 15% initially which rose by 5% in 1991, and it has become halved in 2001. There has been significant increase in the insurance expenditure from 1981 to 2001 with 2% and 8% respectively.
The three pie charts illustrates the expenditure of a school in UK from 1981 to 2001.

Overall
, the school spends
largely
on teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
and least spend is the insurance. Furniture and Equipment, Resources and other workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
have dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the expenditure over the time period. Units
are measured
in percentages.

In 1981, 40% of the expenses
were dedicated
for teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
and it rose by 10% in the year 1991. The money
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "spends".
spend
on furniture and equipment was 15% where it has decline to 5% and then rose to 23% in 2001. Other workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
have
also
dramatically
crashed from 1981 to 2001 (28% to 23%
respectively
).

Expenditure on the resources like books were 15%
initially
which rose by 5% in 1991, and it has become halved in 2001. There has been significant increase in the insurance expenditure from 1981 to 2001 with 2% and 8%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Pie charts showings the expenses in a school from 1981 to 2001

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
150 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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