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Pie charts of what makes up breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks in the average meal in the USA.

Pie charts of what makes up breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks in the average meal in the USA. PR622
The given chart represents the comparison of consumption of sodium, saturated fat and added sugar in meals and snacks by average population of USA. As is given in the pie chart the intake of all the three nutrients is almost similar in the breakfast ( sodium's been eaten up by 14%, added sugar and and saturated fat with 16%). However, it is comparable betwixt saturated fat and sodium, there is large proportion of sodium consumption that is 43% of the total also saturated fat with 37% of the total in the dinner. It is quite visible people of USA tend to eat salty food in dinner and lunch. As is shown in the chart they have similar expenditure( sodium of 29% and saturated fat of 26%) in lunch, whereas they include sugar in their lunch at very least aggregate( contains only 19% of sugar). Furthermore, the presence of sodium which is of 14% and saturated fat of 21% in snacks is slightly commensurate although they eat too much sugar in the form of crunchies, munchies and snacks( all the sugary items). It can be inferred from the illustration that most population devour sodium and saturated fat add up to higher percent in their dinner.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart represents the comparison of consumption of sodium,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in meals and snacks by average population
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
. As is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the pie chart the intake of all the three nutrients is almost similar in the breakfast
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
sodium's
been eaten
up by 14%,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
with 16%).
However
, it is comparable betwixt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
and sodium, there is large proportion of sodium consumption
that is
43% of the total
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
with 37% of the total in the dinner. It is quite visible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
tend to eat salty food in dinner and lunch. As
is shown
in the chart they have similar expenditure
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
sodium of 29% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
of 26%) in lunch, whereas they include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in their lunch at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
least aggregate
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
contains
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
19% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar)
.
Furthermore
, the presence of sodium which is of 14% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
of 21% in snacks is
slightly
commensurate although they eat too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in the form of
This expression can be considered offensive.
crunchies
, munchies and snacks
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
all the sugary items). It can
be inferred
from the illustration that most population devour sodium and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
up to higher percent in their dinner.
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IELTS academic Pie charts of what makes up breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks in the average meal in the USA.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
204 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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