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Pie chart that describes enery usage in australian household and one that describes the emission of greenhouse house gas caused by the energy use

Pie chart that describes enery usage in australian household and one that describes the emission of greenhouse house gas caused by the energy use mYjq
There are two pie charts where one describes the energy usage in a typical Australian house and the other provides information about the emission of greenhouse gas which is caused by the energy usage. Overall, heating-related activity contributed to the largest energy use. Furthermore, water heating is the biggest producer of greenhouse gas. 42% of energy consumption was due to heating and this is followed by water heating which accounted for 30% of energy consumption. Other appliances, which is the third largest cause of consumption of energy contributed 15% to the usage of energy. However, the emissions that was produced was almost double compared to the enery usage. On the other hand, the emission produced by heating were 15% which is less than half of its usage. Water heating is the highest contributor of greenhouse gas where its at 32%. Refrigeration, lighting, and cooling were responsible for 7%, 4%, and 2% of energy use. Their emission is double of its usage, with exception of cooling, where it produced 3% of emission.
There are two pie charts where one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the
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energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
in a typical Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and the other provides information about the
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emission
of greenhouse gas which
is caused
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
usage.

Overall
, heating-related activity contributed to the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Furthermore
, water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
is the biggest producer of greenhouse gas.

42% of
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energy
consumption was due to
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heating
and this
is followed
by water
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heating
which accounted for 30% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
consumption. Other appliances, which is the third largest cause of consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
contributed 15% to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of
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energy
.
However
, the
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emissions
that
was produced
was almost double compared to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
enery
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usage
.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
produced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
were 15% which is less than half of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
. Water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
is the highest contributor of greenhouse gas where
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
at 32%.

Refrigeration, lighting, and cooling were responsible for 7%, 4%, and 2% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
is double of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
, with
The usual collocation for "exception" in this context is "to" not "of". Did you mean "exception to"?
exception of
cooling, where it produced 3% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
.
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IELTS academic Pie chart that describes enery usage in australian household and one that describes the emission of greenhouse house gas caused by the energy use

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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