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Pie chart show three years different books sale by shopkeeper

Pie chart show three years different books sale by shopkeeper kbP2d
The assigned pie charts expound the information about the popularity of different kinds of books sales by bookseller from 1972 to 2012. Data is calibrated in percentage. To Begin with, in 1972 the sales of adult fiction was a fifth. which had been reached at 25% in 1992 and after that the popularity of adult fiction increased dramatically 45% in 2012. However, the sales of children's fiction and biography was equal in 1972 about 20% considerably. followed by, ration of children's fiction accounted to 25% in 1992 and 2012. On the other hand, biography books show least interest in purchaser in following years. Probing further, travel book dominated the market with the sale 15% which had been slightly go by 2% in 1992 as well as well down 10% in 2012. Moreover, in 1972, books maximum sale was 25% and it was decreased by 5% in 1992 as well as 12 % in 2012 respectively. Overall, it is clear from the above graph that fiction books gained more popularity in three periods. while, other books lost their public appeal over the given period.
The assigned pie charts expound the information about the popularity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
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books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
by bookseller from 1972 to 2012. Data
is calibrated
in percentage. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Begin
with, in 1972 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fiction
was a fifth.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
had
been reached
at 25% in 1992 and after that the popularity of adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fiction
increased
dramatically
45% in 2012.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fiction
and biography was equal in 1972 about 20%
considerably
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
followed
by, ration of children's
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fiction
accounted to 25% in 1992 and 2012.
On the other hand
, biography
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books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
interest in purchaser in following years. Probing
further
, travel
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book
dominated the market with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
15% which had been
slightly
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
go
by 2% in 1992
as well
as well
down 10% in 2012.
Moreover
, in 1972,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
was 25% and it
was decreased
by 5% in 1992
as well
as 12 % in 2012
respectively
.
Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the above graph that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fiction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
gained more popularity in three periods.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
lost their public appeal over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.
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IELTS academic Pie chart show three years different books sale by shopkeeper

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
183 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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