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Pie chart illustrate the proportion of the average spending in two different countries Japan and Malaysia in year 2010. The units are in percentages.

Pie chart illustrate the proportion of the average spending in two different countries Japan and Malaysia in year 2010. The units are in percentages. lWpGQ
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of the average spending in two different countries Japan and Malaysia in year 2010. The units are in percentages. Overall, in Japan, other goods and services had the highest spending while housing expenses had the least meanwhile in Malaysia, expenses on housing had the most where as health care had the least in that country as at that year. To start with, in 2010, resources spent on other goods and services had the highest in Japan of about 29 percent which later reduced by 2 percent in Malaysia to about 26 percent. Also, this is followed by food expenses which recorded 24 percent in 2010 and increased gradually by 3percent to 27 percent in Malaysia in 2010. Furthermore, in 2010 in Japan, the country recorded the least expenses on health care of about 6 percent where as the spending reduced drastically in Malaysia to about 3 percent. The next least expenses was in housing, food which recorded 21percent, 24percent respectively meanwhile, housing expenses raised to 34 percent and food increased by 3 percent to 27 percent in Malaysia in 2010.
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of the average spending in two
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different
countries
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Japan
and Malaysia in year 2010. The units are in percentages.

Overall
, in
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Japan
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services had the highest spending while housing expenses had the least meanwhile in Malaysia, expenses on housing had the most
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where as
health care had the least in that country as at that year.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, in 2010, resources spent on other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services had the highest in
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Japan
of about 29
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percent
which later
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reduced
by 2
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percent
in Malaysia to about 26
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percent
.
Also
, this
is followed
by food expenses which recorded 24
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percent
in 2010 and increased
gradually
by
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3percent
to 27
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percent
in Malaysia in 2010.

Furthermore
, in 2010 in
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Japan
, the country recorded the least expenses on health care of about 6
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percent
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
the spending
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reduced
drastically
in Malaysia to about 3
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percent
. The
next
least expenses was in housing, food which recorded
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21percent
,
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24percent
respectively
meanwhile, housing expenses raised to 34
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percent
and food increased by 3
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percent
to 27
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in Malaysia in 2010.
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IELTS academic Pie chart illustrate the proportion of the average spending in two different countries Japan and Malaysia in year 2010. The units are in percentages.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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