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Pie chart describing about usage of electricity

Pie chart describing about usage of electricity rGmlL
The articulated line graph demonstrates about demand for electricity and it is about two different seasons summer and winter. Moreover pie chart out lines for what purpose the electricity is used. All in all, total four sections are given for daily use they are: heating room and heating water, ovens, kittles along with washing machines. Furthermore, electricity is used for lighting TV and radio. last one is for vacuum cleaners food mixers and electric tools. Now turning to the detailed, line graph gives information of up and down of electricity at every 3 hours. Moreover during winter usage is more and even graph fluctuates. Graph is at 32000 units when there is zero hour which soar up to 40, 000 at the third hour which then decreased to 30000 at 7 hour and got steadily climb up and raised at highest level which is 48000 at 22 hour. In addition to this, during summer it is zero at eighteen thousand in suddenly plunged and reached to sewer level at 7 hours which is 13000. In a way, it again rocked up and reached at 20, 000 after 13 hour and then steadily decreased. Afterwards it has upliftment and reaches 20000 at 23 and again down at 24th hour. All in all highest electricity is used for healing room and heating water which is 52. 5 %. In a bargain, 17. 5% is used for ovens, kettles and washing machines which again plummet to 15% by 22. 5%. Secondly, vacuum cleaners, food mixers, electric tools uses a little bit electricity which is just 15%.
The articulated line
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graph
demonstrates about demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
and it is about two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
seasons summer and winter.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
pie chart out lines for what purpose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. All in all, total four sections are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
they are: heating room and heating water, ovens,
Possible spelling mistake found.
kittles
along with washing machines.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for lighting TV and radio.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
last
one is for vacuum cleaners food mixers and electric tools.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
turning to the detailed, line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
gives information of up and down of
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electricity
at every 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
during winter usage is more and even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
fluctuates.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Graph
is at 32000 units when there is zero
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
which soar up to 40, 000 at the third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
which then decreased to 30000 at 7
Possible agreement error. The noun 'hour' seems to be countable, so consider using: "hours".
hour
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
steadily
climb up and raised at highest level which is 48000 at 22
Possible agreement error. The noun 'hour' seems to be countable, so consider using: "hours".
hour
.
In addition
to this, during summer it is zero at eighteen thousand in
suddenly
plunged and reached to sewer level at 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
which is 13000. In a way, it again rocked up and reached at 20, 000 after 13
Possible agreement error. The noun 'hour' seems to be countable, so consider using: "hours".
hour
and then
steadily
decreased. Afterwards it has
Possible spelling mistake found.
upliftment
and reaches 20000 at 23 and again down at 24th
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
. All in all highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for healing room and heating water which is 52. 5 %. In a bargain, 17. 5% is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for ovens, kettles and washing machines which again plummet to 15% by 22. 5%.
Secondly
, vacuum cleaners, food mixers, electric tools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
15%.

IELTS academic Pie chart describing about usage of electricity

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
263 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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