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physical activity in Australian people

physical activity in Australian people R0a1k
The bar chart is presenting the information of Australian men and women, who do physical exercise regularly. The study conducted in the year 2010 and it also categories the data by making group regarding age of people. In overall study, it is clear that Australian women are more active in taking bodily exercise than men. The percentage of Australian people doing physical doing is ranging from about 40% to 54%. Male’s participation in gymnastic workout is showing a curvy shape in the graph. More than half of the young male population of Australia, ranging between the age 15 to 24 years do physical activity regularly. But when the age ranges increase, we see preference of physical activity in males takes downward trend. In the age group 35 to 44 years old, only a few less than 40% males are willing to take body exercise. But after this age group, the graph takes upward trend and in the older males, the number goes up to 47%. In Australian females, the graph’s trend is different from males. From the young age to middle age, the graph continues to show a steady growth in number of female participants, starting from the opening point at 47. 7%, its ends on the point at 53%. Then in the older women’s group, the graph shows decline. Almost 47% of older women aged between 65 to more years, use to take physical workout.
The bar chart is presenting the information of Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
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women
, who do
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physical
exercise
regularly
. The study conducted in the
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year
2010 and it
also
categories the data by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
regarding
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age
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In
overall
study, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more active in taking
bodily
exercise than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. The percentage of Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
doing is ranging from about 40% to 54%.

Male’s participation in gymnastic workout is showing a curvy shape in the
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graph
. More than half of the young male population of Australia, ranging between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
15 to 24 years do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity
regularly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when the
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age
ranges increase, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
preference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
takes downward trend. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
35 to 44 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few less than 40%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
are willing to take body exercise.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
after this
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
takes upward trend and in the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
, the number goes up to 47%.

In Australian females, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph’s
trend is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
. From the young
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age
to middle
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age
, the
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graph
continues to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a steady growth in number of female participants, starting from the opening point at 47. 7%, its ends on the point at 53%. Then in the older
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women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
decline. Almost 47% of older
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women
aged between 65 to more years,
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
workout.

IELTS academic physical activity in Australian people

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
236 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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