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saturated fat and sodium consumption

saturated fat and sodium consumption 1b2MX
The pie charts give information about the average rate of three different sustenance including sodium, saturated fats, and added sugar in ordinary meals eaten in the USA that may be harmful to human health in the case of overconsumption. Overall, it is clear that most sodium and saturated fats were consumed in dinner, while nearly half of added sugar was eaten in snacks. In addition, all three nutrients used up at least amount in the breakfast. Firstly, the highest sodium intake came from dinner at 43% and followed by lunch at 29 %. Breakfast and snacks had precisely the same rate at 14%. As in the sodium chart, dinner took place as the biggest part with %37 and it nearly doubled the percentage of the breakfast(%16). Meanwhile, lunch and snacks had nearly similar saturated fat consumption which is %26 and %21 respectively. Turning to added sugar, contrary to the other two ingredients snacks contained 42% which is approximately twice of dinner rate (%23). In addition, breakfast and mid-day meal covered the remained part of the chart which are %16 and %19 respectively.
The pie charts give information about the average rate of three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sustenance including sodium, saturated fats, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
sugar in ordinary meals eaten in the USA that may be harmful to human health in the case of overconsumption.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that most sodium and saturated fats
were consumed
in
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dinner
, while
nearly
half of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
sugar
was eaten
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
.
In addition
, all three nutrients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
up at least amount in the breakfast.

Firstly
, the highest sodium intake came from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dinner
at 43% and followed by lunch at 29 %. Breakfast and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
had
precisely
the same rate at 14%. As in the sodium chart,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dinner
took place as the biggest part with %37 and it
nearly
doubled the percentage of the breakfast(%16). Meanwhile, lunch and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
had
nearly
similar saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
consumption which is %26 and %21
respectively
.

Turning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
sugar, contrary to the other two ingredients
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
contained 42% which is approximately twice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dinner
rate (%23).
In addition
, breakfast and mid-day meal covered the remained part of the chart which are %16 and %19
respectively
.
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IELTS academic saturated fat and sodium consumption

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
182 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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