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Percentage of young people in higher education in four different countries

Percentage of young people in higher education in four different countries 8D8m
In the chart given, the percentage of young adults pursuing further studies in four different nations is illustrated over the span of ten years from 2000 to 2010. Country D has the highest number of students applying for higher education compared to all the other three countries in a decade. Overall, we can see that Country D has the highest number of students applying for higher education compared to all the other three countries in a decade. In Country A, we see a drastic rise of students studying for masters from the year 2000 to 2010, been lowest in 2000 at 38%, which increased to 52% in 2000, becoming the second- highest overall in the year 2010 at 62%. Whereas, Country B went through a variety of fluctuations compared to Country A, such as, in 2000 the percentage rate of students taking education was 46% which declined to 41% in 2005 and saw a small rise in 2010 by 43%. However, in Country C the number of students in postgraduate courses was 46% which is the same as Country B in 2000, thereafter; it increased to 52% by 2005 and remained stable till the year 2010. Country D is at the peak of students applying for higher education compared to all other countries from 2000 to 2010. Starting at 64% in 2000 and going higher at 78% in 2005 and then touching a great height of 80% in 2010, by claiming the top position for students enrolling for education for further studies from 2000 to 2010.
In the chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, the percentage of young adults pursuing

further
studies in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations
is illustrated
over the

span of ten years from 2000 to 2010.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Country
D has the

highest number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
applying for higher education

compared to all the other three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in a decade.

Overall
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Country
D has the highest number of

students applying for higher education compared to all the

other three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in a decade.

In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Country
A, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a drastic rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying for

masters from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2000 to 2010, been lowest in 2000 at

38%, which increased to 52% in 2000, becoming the second-

A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
overall
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2010 at 62%. Whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Country
B

went through a variety of fluctuations compared to Country

A, such as, in 2000 the percentage rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
taking

education was 46% which declined to 41% in 2005 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
rise in 2010 by 43%.

However
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Country
C the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in

postgraduate courses was 46% which is the same as Country

B in 2000, thereafter; it increased to 52% by 2005 and

remained stable till the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2010.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Country
D is at the peak of

students applying for higher education compared to all other

countries from 2000 to 2010. Starting at 64% in 2000 and

going higher at 78% in 2005 and then touching a great height

of 80% in 2010, by claiming the top position for students

enrolling for education for
further
studies from 2000 to 2010.
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IELTS academic Percentage of young people in higher education in four different countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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