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The diagram below shows how salt is removed from sea water to make it drinkable.

The diagram below shows how salt is removed from sea water to make it drinkable. a0RG
The diagram shows the process of desalination and how water from sea can turn into the water that people can drink. First of all, the seawater is taken from the sea and passed through the pre-treatment filter. At this stage Big impurities Big impurities Are removed. After, The water is forced through membranes at high pressure That impurities salt. This time the sea water concentrate is returned into the sea. After that, Lime, chlorine And fluoride substances are added. Afterwards the water is supplied and finally it is piped into the water supply system to be used by people.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the process of desalination and how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
from
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sea
can turn into the
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water
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can drink.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the seawater
is taken
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
and passed through the pre-treatment filter. At this stage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
impurities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
impurities
Are removed
.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is forced
through membranes at high pressure That impurities salt. This time the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
concentrate
is returned
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
. After that, Lime, chlorine And fluoride substances are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
. Afterwards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is supplied
and
finally
it
is piped
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
supply system to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

IELTS academic The diagram below shows how salt is removed from sea water to make it drinkable.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
99 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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