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percentage of working hours per week, in industrial sector, in four European countries in 2002

percentage of working hours per week, in industrial sector, in four European countries in 2002 PVqjg
The given column graph compares the amount of time spent on the duration of work weekly by industrial workers in three different countries(France, Denmark, Sweden, The UK) in 2002. However, it is observed that the maximum number of workers preferred 36-40 hours each week. To begin, 50% of workers in France choose to work 31-35 hours per week. Alternatively, workes above 30% prefered 36-40 hours of working. The remaining working hours accounted for around 10% to 20% each. In contrast, workers in Denmark and Sweden manifests the maximum proportion of people working for 36-40 hours every week, which was substantially different from France. The next suitable working hour chosen by the works was 31-35 (30% in Sweden and 25% in Denmark). It is interesting to encounter that in the UK Workers tend to work 50+ hours a week, although, majority of the people agreed to work for 36-40 hours every week. Overall, France was a country where people worked for the least hours, whereas workers in The UK worked for more hours compared to the other three counties.
The
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given
column graph compares the amount of time spent on the duration of
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work
weekly by industrial
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workers
in three
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different
countries(France, Denmark, Sweden, The UK) in 2002.

However
, it
is observed
that the maximum number of
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workers
preferred 36-40
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hours
each week.

To
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begin
, 50% of
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workers
in France choose to
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work
31-35
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hours
per week.
Alternatively
,
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workes
above 30%
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "preferred", the past tense form of the verb 'prefer'?
prefered
36-40
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hours
of
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working
. The remaining
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working
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hours
accounted for around 10% to 20% each.

In contrast
,
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workers
in Denmark and Sweden manifests the maximum proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for 36-40
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hours
every week, which was
substantially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from France. The
next
suitable
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working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
chosen by the works was 31-35 (30% in Sweden and 25% in Denmark).

It is interesting to encounter that in the UK
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Workers
tend to
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work
50+
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hours
a week, although,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for 36-40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
every week.

Overall
, France was a country where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
worked for the least
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hours
, whereas
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workers
in The UK worked for more
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hours
compared to the other three counties.
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IELTS academic percentage of working hours per week, in industrial sector, in four European countries in 2002

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
178 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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