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Percentage of self employed works of the total workforce in 1998 and 2008.

Percentage of self employed works of the total workforce in 1998 and 2008. b3oA6
the bar chat shows the information of the total number of self-employed workers in comparison to the workforce. In two specific years which are 1998 and 2008. Overall there were an upward trend in the self-employed figures. The highest proportion was recorded in Turkey with approximately 60% and 40% in both given years. Meanwhile the country with lowest rate was Russian Republic with less than 10%. In 1998 the proportion of turkey peaked at nearly 60% then in 2008 its figure decreased by approximately 20%, which making it ranked the first among others. Greece shared the same pattern with its percentage at 42%, and after 10- year period its number felt to only over 30%. In contrast, the percentage for Czech public, Slovakia and lastly Russian republic it is relatively low in the self-employed percentage in both the years that being recorded to. Czech republican and Slovakia which did not have much gaps in its figures, which were, which were less than 20%, and between the years there were an number of about 5 % making these ranked at 3rd or 4th place. Lastly it was Russia republican with the smallest amount of people therefore it only valued at less than 10% even if has underwent the 10 year-evolution.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
bar chat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the information of the total number of self-employed workers
in comparison
to the workforce. In two specific years which are 1998 and 2008.

Overall
there were an upward trend in the self-employed figures. The highest proportion
was recorded
in Turkey with approximately 60% and 40% in both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
the country with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
rate was Russian Republic with less than 10%.

In 1998 the proportion of
Did you mean the country "Turkey" (which needs to be capitalized)?
turkey
peaked at
nearly
60% then in 2008 its figure decreased by approximately 20%, which making it ranked the
first
among others. Greece shared the same pattern with its percentage at 42%, and after 10-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
period its number felt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
over 30%.
In contrast
, the percentage for Czech public, Slovakia and
lastly
Russian republic it is
relatively
low in the self-employed percentage in both the years that
being recorded
to. Czech republican and Slovakia which did not have
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
gaps in its figures, which were, which were less than 20%, and between the years there were
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
number of about 5 % making these ranked at 3rd or 4th place.
Lastly
it was Russia republican with the smallest amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
therefore
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
valued at less than 10% even if has
Use past participle here: "undergone".
underwent
the 10 year-evolution.
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IELTS academic Percentage of self employed works of the total workforce in 1998 and 2008.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
209 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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