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Percentage of adults by age group using the internet from 2003 to 2006

Percentage of adults by age group using the internet from 2003 to 2006 raddp
The given column graph illustrates the percentage of adults of different age groups using internet between the years 2003 to 2006. Upto 65s had also used internet in small ratio. In this given chart the first age group, which was 16 to 24 showed the highest percentage of using internet. ln 2003 and 2004 they shared the same percentage, which was 80%. But in 2005 they rapidly increased their percentage to 100%. And in 2006 they decreased slightly to 90%. other age groups were also showed their percentage slightly increased. The age group 25 to 44 also increased slightly to 50% in 2003 to 80% in 2006. The age group between 45 to 54 was also just like the group 25 to 44. The age group 55 to 64 also increased slightly from 2003 to 2004. suddenly in 2006 they increased significantly to 50%. Overall trends falls upwards. The over 65s had also used internet and their percentage increased slightly. Overall, we can say that the adults age groups between 16 to 24 showed the greatest usage of internet and it is the matter to be concern.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
column graph illustrates the
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percentage
of adults of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
using internet between the years 2003 to 2006.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Upto
65s had
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
internet in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
ratio. In this
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given
chart the
first
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age
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group
, which was 16 to 24
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the highest
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percentage
of using internet.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
2003 and 2004 they shared the same
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percentage
, which was 80%.
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But
in 2005 they
rapidly
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increased
their
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percentage
to 100%. And in 2006 they decreased
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slightly
to 90%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
other
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
were
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
their
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percentage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
slightly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
. The
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age
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group
25 to 44
also
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increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
slightly
to 50% in 2003 to 80% in 2006. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 45 and 54".
between 45 to 54
was
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like the
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group
25 to 44.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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age
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group
55 to 64
also
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increased
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slightly
from 2003 to 2004.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
suddenly
in 2006 they
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increased
significantly
to 50%.
Overall
trends falls upwards. The over 65s had
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
internet and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
slightly
.
Overall
, we can say that the adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 16 and 24".
between 16 to 24
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the greatest usage of internet and it is the matter to be concern.
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IELTS academic Percentage of adults by age group using the internet from 2003 to 2006

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
187 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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