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people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities in the last 4 weeks

people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities in the last 4 weeks EpjLq
The bar charts compare the amount of Australian citizens' behavior of buying and drinking either coffee or tea in five different cities in the last 4 weeks. Overall, it can be seen that the people who bought fresh coffee had the fewest number while the people who went to a cafe had the biggest percentage, except for a city. The percentage of fresh coffee buyers was the least among all charts. It stood at around 43% (Sydney), 42. 5% (Melbourne), 34% (Brisbane), 34. 5% (Adelaide), and 37. 5% (Hobart). Moreover, the amount of instant coffee consumers in these five cities was the second highest, compared to fresh coffee and cafe customers. Except for Adelaide, which had approximately 1% more instant coffee buyers than cafe enjoyers. Turning to the number of cafe customers, it is clear that it had the biggest percentage of all. For Sydney and Melbourne, it is about 15% much more than instant coffee buyers' percentage, which shows quite significant contrast. Meanwhile it is approximately 3% more for Brisbane and around 8. 5% for Hobart.
The bar charts compare the amount of Australian citizens' behavior of buying and drinking either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
or tea in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cities in the last 4 weeks.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
had the fewest number while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who went to a
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
had the biggest
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percentage
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
a city.

The
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percentage
of fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
buyers was the least among all charts. It stood at around 43% (Sydney), 42. 5% (Melbourne), 34% (Brisbane), 34. 5% (Adelaide), and 37.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
5%
(Hobart).
Moreover
, the amount of instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
consumers in these five cities was the second highest, compared to fresh
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coffee
and
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
customers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Except for
Adelaide, which had approximately 1% more instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
buyers than
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
Possible spelling mistake found.
enjoyers
.

Turning to the number of
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
customers, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that it had the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of all. For Sydney and Melbourne, it is about 15% much more than instant
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coffee
buyers'
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percentage
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
quite significant contrast.
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Meanwhile
it is approximately 3% more for Brisbane and around 8. 5% for Hobart.
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IELTS academic people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities in the last 4 weeks

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
177 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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