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people that are employed in sport

people that are employed in sport dpEp7
The graph shows the people that are employed in sport in the given countries in The European Union between 2011 and 2014. The least number of the employed in sport is in Estonia with just 6000 in 2014. However there have been a gradual rise from 2011, when the number is around 3000. The two countries that marked the highest jump are Denmark and Czech Republic. In 2014 they were with around 30000 people employed in sports and both of them steadily dropped around 2012 and 2013 before marking higher numbers. The two countries with only fall in the numbers are Bulgaria, dropped from around 10000 to 9000, and Belgium, dropped from 24000 to around 20000. Ireland stayed steadily, with around 23000 people employed in sports.
The graph
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shows
the
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people
that are
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employed
in
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sport
in the
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given
countries in The European Union between 2011 and 2014.

The least
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number
of the
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employed
in
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sport
is in Estonia with
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just
6000 in 2014.
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However
there have been a gradual rise from 2011, when the
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number
is
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around
3000. The two countries that marked the highest jump are Denmark and Czech Republic. In
The comma is probably missing here: "2014, they".
2014 they
were with
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around
30000
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people
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employed
in
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sports
and both of them
steadily
dropped
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around
2012 and 2013
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before
marking higher
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numbers
. The two countries with
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only
fall in the
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numbers
are Bulgaria, dropped from
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around
10000 to 9000, and Belgium, dropped from 24000 to
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around
20000. Ireland stayed
steadily
, with
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around
23000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
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IELTS academic people that are employed in sport

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
126 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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