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Participants who have entered the olympics

Participants who have entered the olympics 06DEO
The two charts give us information about the participants who have entered the olympics since it began. The first chart gives us a comparison about the number of participants over the years segregated on the basis of gender. The second chart gives us an insight about the number of participants over the years. Looking at the first chart we can see that the number of women participants in the olympics has increased greatly from 1924-2012. There were less than 1000 women participating in the olympics in the years 1924 and 1952. These numbers increased in the year 1984 with over 1000 women participating in the olympics. In 2012 we can see a turn around with more than 4000 women participating and reducing the gap between men and women participants with only a difference of about 1000 as compared to 4000 and above in the years before. The second chart shows us a significant increase in the number of participants in olympics over the years. There were only about 3000-5000 participants in the years 1924 and 1952. The year 1984 had about 7000 participants. The year 2012 saw a significant increase in the number of participants with almost 11000. From the two graphs we can conclude that overall the number of participants in the olympics have increased significantly over the years with more women participating every year and closing the gap between the number of male and female participants.
The two
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charts
give us information about the
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participants
who have entered the
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olympics
since it began. The
first
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chart
gives us a comparison about the
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number
of
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participants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the years segregated on the basis of gender.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
second
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chart
gives us an insight about the
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number
of
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participants
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over
the years.

Looking at the
first
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chart
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
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number
of
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women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympics
has increased
greatly
from 1924-2012. There were less than 1000
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women
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participating
in the
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olympics
in the years 1924 and 1952. These
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numbers
increased in the
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year
1984 with
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over
1000
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women
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participating
in the
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olympics
. In
The comma is probably missing here: "2012, we".
2012 we
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a turn around with more than 4000
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women
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participating
and reducing the gap between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
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women
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participants
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a difference of about 1000 as compared to 4000 and above in the years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

The second
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chart
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shows
us a significant increase in the
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number
of
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participants
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympics
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over
the years. There were
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only
about 3000-5000
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participants
in the years 1924 and 1952. The
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year
1984 had about 7000
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participants
. The
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year
2012
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a significant increase in the
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number
of
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participants
with almost 11000.

From the two graphs we can conclude that
overall
the
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number
of
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participants
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympics
have increased
significantly
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over
the years with more
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women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participating
every
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year
and closing the gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male and female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
.
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IELTS academic Participants who have entered the olympics

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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