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Ownership of electrical appliances and time spent doing housework

Ownership of electrical appliances and time spent doing housework n1oQK
The two lines charts below illustrates the percentage changes in estate of electrical appliance and the amount of hours that used to finish home tasks in one country during the interval between 1920 and 2019. From the figures below, we could clearly see that, the rate of households using different type of electrical appliances are various and inceased within the long term. However, the number of hours using these electrical are decrease during the same period. It is obvious form the first line chart, there was dramatically increasing in refrigerator from 1920 to 1960 from zero to ninety perecent, then it's reached to one hundred percent by year 2000. Although there was jumping shift in use of Vacuum cleaner through initial year's, then it remains stable from 2000 t0 2019 at full usage. Despite that, there was a significant fluctuation in washing machine estate within the time, until it reached its highest rate around three quarter by 2019. From the second chart, the rate of hours spent in housework per week was deceased significantly from a half hours to around ten hours within the same interval. To sum up, it's clear that, nevertheless the increased in ownership of electrical equipments there was remarkable decrease in hours using to finish home work such as cleaning and washing clothes.
The two lines charts below illustrates the percentage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in estate of
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electrical
appliance and the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to finish home tasks in one country during the interval between 1920 and 2019.

From the figures below, we could
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that, the rate of households using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
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electrical
appliances are various and
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inceased
within the long term.
However
, the number of
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hours
using these
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electrical
are decrease during the same period.

It is obvious form the
first
line chart, there was
dramatically
increasing in refrigerator from 1920 to 1960 from zero to ninety
Possible spelling mistake found.
perecent
, then it's reached to one hundred percent by year 2000. Although there was jumping shift in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of Vacuum cleaner through initial year's, then it remains stable
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 2000 to 2019"?
from 2000 t0 2019
at full usage. Despite that, there was a significant fluctuation in washing machine estate within the time, until it reached its highest rate around
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
three quarter
by 2019.

From the second chart, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
spent in housework per week
was deceased
significantly
from a half
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hours
to around ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
within the same interval.

To sum up, it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that,
nevertheless
the increased in ownership of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electrical
equipments there was remarkable decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
using to finish home work such as cleaning and washing clothes.
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IELTS academic Ownership of electrical appliances and time spent doing housework

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
217 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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