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Overseas visitors to three different areas in european country between 1987 and 2007

Overseas visitors to three different areas in european country between 1987 and 2007 5M0p
Foreign country visitors to three various areas (the coast, the mountains, the lakes) in European nature over a period 20 years by from 1987 to 2007. Overall, in the beginning years all of the charts showed less figure but thus rate rose year by year via the coast and the lakes. First of all, in 1987, least number of tourist came the lakes which rate accounted for 10thousands and it has slowly grew then it has crossed with the tourists figure who came the mountains in the 1992 at that time the mountains rate showing steadily upraise begin 20 thousands. Next the lakes has grew to 40 thousands in the 1997, at the same time, the lakes was faced with the coast that came to 50 thousands and the coast begin to coming also increase by 40 that become some fluctuations. Therefore the lakes rate came to 72 thousands in 2002 but this rate sharply decreased to 50 thousands. However the mountains figure rose rapidly to 35000 year by year and the coast showed the higher rate which respectively 73000.
Foreign country visitors to three various areas (the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mountains
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lakes)
in European nature over a period 20 years by from 1987 to 2007.
Overall
, in the beginning years
Consider using "all the".
all of the
charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
less figure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
rose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
via the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coast
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lakes
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in 1987,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
number of tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
came
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lakes
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
accounted for 10thousands and it has
slowly
Use the past participle "grown" after the modal (auxiliary) verb 'has'.
grew
then it has crossed with the tourists figure who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
came
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mountains
in the 1992 at that time the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mountains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
showing
steadily
upraise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
20 thousands.
Next
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lakes
has
Use past participle here: "grown".
grew
to 40 thousands in the 1997, at the same time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lakes
was faced
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coast
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
came
to 50 thousands and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to coming
also
increase by 40 that become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lakes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
came
to 72 thousands in 2002
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
sharply
decreased to 50 thousands.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mountains
figure rose
rapidly
to 35000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
which
respectively
73000.
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IELTS academic Overseas visitors to three different areas in european country between 1987 and 2007

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
180 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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