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Overall, it is manifest that South Korea and Indonesia witnessed the exponential growth of the municipal population. Moreover, of particular note is the statistic of urbanization ratio in the former country remarkably surpassed that of its counterpart.

Overall, it is manifest that South Korea and Indonesia witnessed the exponential growth of the municipal population. Moreover, of particular note is the statistic of urbanization ratio in the former country remarkably surpassed that of its counterpart. PLDWX
The given illustration shows the ratio of urbanisation between South Korea and Indonesia over the period of 40 years, from 1969 to 2009. Overall, there was a sharp increase in the number of this trend in both South Korea and Indonesia. However, the percentage of South Korea was almost doubled by the end of the period and had a higher proportion than Indonesia. Looking at the graph in more detail, the proportion of South Korean urban migrants was approximately 30% in 1969. During the next thirty years, it continued to increase dramatically by 40% until it reached a peak of over 80% prior to levelling off toward 2009. Indonesia’ urban rate was lower than South Korea. In 1969, it was constantly about 17%, at which point this figure started to go up slightly to 20% from 1979 to 1989. Throughout the next ten years, the rate moved upward sharply and hit the record of roughly 50% in 2009.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the ratio of
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
between South Korea and Indonesia over the period of 40 years, from 1969 to 2009.

Overall
, there was a sharp increase in the number of this trend in both South Korea and Indonesia.
However
, the percentage of South Korea was almost doubled by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period and had a higher proportion than Indonesia.

Looking at the graph in more detail, the proportion of South Korean urban migrants was approximately 30% in 1969. During the
next
thirty years, it continued to increase
dramatically
by 40% until it reached a peak of over 80% prior to levelling off toward 2009. Indonesia’ urban rate was lower than South Korea. In 1969, it was
constantly
about 17%, at which point this figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to go up
slightly
to 20% from 1979 to 1989. Throughout the
next
ten years, the rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
upward
sharply
and hit the record of roughly 50% in 2009.
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IELTS academic Overall, it is manifest that South Korea and Indonesia witnessed the exponential growth of the municipal population. Moreover, of particular note is the statistic of urbanization ratio in the former country remarkably surpassed that of its counterpart.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
158 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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