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Overall, as is provided as a census of perusal the given illustration furnished some information that HP was the dominance of beginning in 2006 whereas which has been plummeted over the given period.

Overall, as is provided as a census of perusal the given illustration furnished some information that HP was the dominance of beginning in 2006 whereas which has been plummeted over the given period. m1261
Overall, as is provided as a census of perusal the given illustration furnished some information that HP was the dominance of beginning in 2006 whereas which has been plummeted over the given period. On the contrary, Fujitsu was reported as the least in 2006 that has been see-sawed throughout the given years. At the first glance, it is observed that Dell was marked as the second highest ratio(16. 6%) in 2006 which was increased by 3. 6% in 2007. Albeit it can be noticed 10% rise in 2014 whereas it remained the same as the second highest proportion of the market share. On top of that, Samsung had only 11. 6% share of the notebook market in 2006 but it managed to capture over 14% of the global market share within 8 years. All in all, a sustainable decline from 6. 6% to 6. 2% was reported by Lenovo even it was to 7. 1% in 2014. As presented in the graph, the ratio of Toshiba rose over the period while the apex was marked at 8. 12% in 2014 as opposed to the bottom most point that was reported as 6. 2% in 2006. Eventually, it can be observed from the given table that there was an inconsistency of the percentages of other laptop brands' market share which has gradually been decreased over the period with2 22. 8%, 19. 3% and 7. 11% in 2006, 2007 and 2014 respectively.
Overall
, as
is provided
as a census of perusal the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustration furnished
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information that HP was the dominance of beginning in 2006 whereas which has
been plummeted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.
On the contrary
, Fujitsu
was reported
as the least in 2006 that has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
-sawed throughout the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years. At the
first
glance, it
is observed
that Dell
was marked
as the second highest ratio(16. 6%) in 2006 which
was increased
by 3. 6% in 2007. Albeit it can
be noticed
10% rise in 2014 whereas it remained the same as the second highest proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
.
On top of that
, Samsung had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
11. 6%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
of the notebook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
in 2006
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it managed to capture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
14% of the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
within 8 years. All in all, a sustainable decline from 6. 6% to 6. 2%
was reported
by Lenovo even it was to 7. 1% in 2014. As presented in the graph, the ratio of Toshiba rose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the period while the apex
was marked
at 8. 12% in 2014 as opposed to the bottom most point that
was reported
as 6. 2% in 2006.

Eventually
, it can
be observed
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table that there was an inconsistency of the percentages of other laptop brands'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
which has
gradually
been decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the period with2 22. 8%, 19. 3% and 7. 11% in 2006, 2007 and 2014
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Overall, as is provided as a census of perusal the given illustration furnished some information that HP was the dominance of beginning in 2006 whereas which has been plummeted over the given period.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
240 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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