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Organized tours are choosing more and more to go to remote places and communities. Do you think this a positive or nagative development for the local people and the environment?

Organized tours are choosing more and more to go to remote places and communities. Do you think this a positive or nagative development for the local people and the environment? 5lmp
The bar chart demonstrates the vary kinds of transport (train, car, tube, and bus) used in London for travel to work during 1960, 1980 and 2000. Overall, it is apparent that the consumption of car was rising while the percentage of bus users was declining during the given three periods. Futhermore, there was a fluctucations in the usage of train and tube. At the first glance, around 18% of commuters preferred train in 1960. This proportion went up by approximately 7% in 1980. Unfortunately, after two decades this number declined to above 20% by 2000. Whereas, in 1960, tube was the second highest mode of transport, accounted at 27%. However, 40 years later this figure plummeted to 25% in 2000. Moving ahead, in 1960, very few people(around 7%) used car for travel to work. In the same time period, the bus users were 7 times more as compared to car users. Interestingly, the percentage of travellers by car dramatically rose from 23% in 1980 to 37% in 2000. On the other hand, the bus commuters went down by 11% in 1980 and steeply decreased to 15% in 2000.
The bar chart demonstrates
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'vary' is correct. If 'vary' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the vary
kinds of transport (train, car,

tube, and bus)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in London for travel to work during 1960, 1980

and 2000.

Overall
, it is apparent that the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
was rising

while the percentage of bus users was declining during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given


three periods.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, there was a
Possible spelling mistake found.
fluctucations
in the usage

of train and tube.

At the
first
glance, around 18% of commuters preferred train in 1960.

This proportion went up by approximately 7% in 1980. Unfortunately, after

two decades this number declined to above 20% by 2000. Whereas, in 1960,

tube was the second highest mode of transport, accounted at 27%.
However
,

40 years later this figure plummeted to 25% in 2000.

Moving ahead, in 1960,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
(around 7%)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
for travel to

work. In the same time period, the bus users were 7 times more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared

to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
users.
Interestingly
, the percentage of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
dramatically


rose from 23% in 1980 to 37% in 2000.
On the other hand
, the bus commuters

went down by 11% in 1980 and
steeply
decreased to 15% in 2000.
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IELTS academic Organized tours are choosing more and more to go to remote places and communities. Do you think this a positive or nagative development for the local people and the environment?

Academic
  American English
8 paragraphs
188 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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