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Online sales across different retail sectors in Canada

Online sales across different retail sectors in Canada bx1J3
The given pie charts compare the online sale for various retailing sectors including electronic items, food, video games and home appliances between 2005 and 2010 in Canada. Overall, the biggest share of graph in both years was of electronics while the sale of home items dropped after 5 years. To begin with electric appliances the sale significantly fall down at 30% in 2010 although it is still (above) than other competitors. Moreover, the proportion of food and eatables rose dramatically by 10 percent from 22% in 2005 to 32% in 2010. In regard to home furnishing sector, the figures faced sharp downfall of 10 percent ( 25% to 15%) whereas interestingly selling of video games overtook home retail area and raised substantially with 5% in 5 years respectively.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts compare the online sale for various retailing sectors including electronic items, food, video games and home appliances between 2005 and 2010 in Canada.

Overall
, the biggest share of graph in both years was of electronics while the sale of home items dropped after 5 years.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with electric appliances the sale
significantly
fall down at 30% in 2010 although it is
still
(above) than other competitors.
Moreover
, the proportion of food and eatables rose
dramatically
by 10 percent from 22% in 2005 to 32% in 2010.

In regard to home furnishing sector, the figures faced sharp downfall of 10 percent
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
25% to 15%) whereas
interestingly
selling of video games overtook home retail area and raised
substantially
with 5% in 5 years
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Online sales across different retail sectors in Canada

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
128 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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