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Graduate unemployment by gender, 2008 and 2009

Graduate unemployment by gender, 2008 and 2009 9wexp
The bar chart gives information the number of unemployment graduates aged 20-24 in one european government from 2008 to 2009. Overall, it can be seen that in 2009 Europa country male unemployment than women the result higher. In 2008 April and July months men's unemployment the same about 7%. However of time the result of women idleness is the same about 8%. In January man's unemployment 10% and in women it is lower than in men about 8%. In 2008 more high result men's unemployment about 16% women's idleness about 11%. In April and January 2009, male unemployment was almost the same at about 12%. by July, male unemployment had dropped to 11%. but in October, male unemployment rose sharply to about 22%. Women's unemployment has risen sharply
The bar chart gives information the number of
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unemployment
graduates aged 20-24 in one
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european
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government
from 2008 to 2009.
Overall
, it can be
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seen
that in 2009 Europa country male
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unemployment
than women the result higher. In 2008 April and July months
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men
's
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unemployment
the same about 7%.
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However
of time the result of women idleness is the same about 8%. In January
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man
's
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unemployment
10% and in women it is lower than in
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men
about 8%. In 2008 more high result
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men
's
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unemployment
about 16% women's idleness about 11%.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
April and January 2009, male
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unemployment
was almost the same at about 12%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
by
July, male
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unemployment
had dropped to 11%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
in October, male
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unemployment
rose
sharply
to about 22%. Women's
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unemployment
has risen
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sharply
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IELTS academic Graduate unemployment by gender, 2008 and 2009

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
127 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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