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OIL ANNUAL CONSUMPTION & OIL EMPLOYMENT/UNEMPLOYMENT RATE Chart A below shows the rate of oil consumption (in millions of barrels) in a small country from 1950 to 2010. Chart B shows the number of people employed in the oil industry in that country and the rate of unemployment throughout the country over the same time.

OIL ANNUAL CONSUMPTION & OIL EMPLOYMENT/UNEMPLOYMENT RATE Chart A below shows the rate of oil consumption (in millions of barrels) in a small country from 1950 to 2010. Chart B shows the number of people employed in the oil industry in that country and the rate of unemployment throughout the country over the same time. MQVa
The line graph and table depicts the rate at which millions of barrels of oil was consumed, employment in oil industry and overall national unemployment in a small country in the years 1950-2010. Overall, the highest amount of oil was consumed in the year 2010 and the least between 1950 to 2000. Maximum number of people were employed in the year 2010. the ratio of unemployment was almost the same from 1950-2000. to begin with, the consumption of oil was more or less the same from year 1950 to 2000, that is around 20 million barrels annually. After this year, there was a considerable growth in oil usage and reached 50 million barrels by the year 2010. looking a the table, the number if people employed in oil industry were around 1000 from 1950 to 1970, with a slight fluctuation in 1960, where it was 1200. After this the proportion of people in oil industry increased by around 400 every 10 years till 2010. On the other hand, the percentage of people unemployed remained approximately 4 in 1950, 1960 and 1970. In the following years, it showed a downward trend and fell to 2. 8% in 1990 which further declined and reached 1. 6% by the end of 2010.
The line graph and table depicts the rate at which millions of barrels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
was consumed
, employment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
industry and
overall
national unemployment in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
country in the years 1950-2010.
Overall
, the highest amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
was consumed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2010 and the least
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1950 and 2000".
between 1950 to 2000
. Maximum number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were employed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2010.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
ratio of unemployment was almost the same from 1950-2000.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
was more or less the same from
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year
1950 to 2000,
that is
around 20 million barrels
annually
. After this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, there was a considerable growth in
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oil
usage and reached 50 million barrels by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2010.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
looking
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "the" is left.
a the
table, the number if
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people
employed in
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oil
industry were around 1000 from 1950 to 1970, with a slight fluctuation in 1960, where it was 1200.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
this the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
industry increased by around 400 every 10 years till 2010.
On the other hand
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unemployed remained approximately 4 in 1950, 1960 and 1970. In the following years, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a downward trend and fell to 2. 8% in 1990 which
further
declined and reached 1. 6% by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 2010.
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IELTS academic OIL ANNUAL CONSUMPTION & OIL EMPLOYMENT/UNEMPLOYMENT RATE Chart A below shows the rate of oil consumption (in millions of barrels) in a small country from 1950 to 2010. Chart B shows the number of people employed in the oil industry in that country and the rate of unemployment throughout the country over the same time.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
209 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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