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Number of visitor before and after Ashdown museum refurbishment

Number of visitor before and after Ashdown museum refurbishment PRnPB
From the given pie chart it can be clearly depicted with the number of visitors, For instance the counts were raised after a renovation of Museum. Over all, from the information it can be observed there were numerous changes in the survey of people after a restore of this building. Let's us discuss in detail, Firstly a very satisfied families number was reached up to 35% before it was only 15%. In addition, a only satisfied ratio society volume was raised to 10% after make over, Initially it was 30% and now 40% after alteration as per given data. On the contrast, Very dissatisfied peoples volume was decreased later restore, and the percentage was moved from 10 % to 5% respectively which is a good improvement. Whereas, only dissatisfied members number went down from 45 % to 15% after a resigned of hall. Moreover, the number of people who were not responded initial and later stage ratio remains un changed which is 5% by the way it is not affecting much. In conclusion, from my view the percentage of satisfied people were more comparatively before and after refurbishment of a Ashdown Museum.
From the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart it can be
clearly
depicted with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of visitors,
For instance
the counts
were raised
after a renovation of Museum. Over all, from the information it can
be observed
there were numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the survey of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
after a restore of this building.

Did you mean "Lets" or "Let" (let's = let us; lets = 3rd person singular of 'let')?
Let's
us discuss in detail,
Firstly
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
satisfied families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
was reached
up to 35%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15%.
In addition
,
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
satisfied ratio society volume
was raised
to 10% after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
over,
Initially
it was 30% and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
40% after alteration as per
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
data.

On the contrast,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Very
dissatisfied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
volume
was decreased
later restore, and the percentage was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
from 10 % to 5%
respectively
which is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
improvement. Whereas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
dissatisfied members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
went down from 45 % to 15% after
The phrase 'a resigned of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a resigned of
hall.

Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were not responded initial and later stage ratio
Possible spelling mistake found.
remains un
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
which is 5% by the way it is not affecting much.

In conclusion
, from my view the percentage of satisfied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were more
comparatively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after refurbishment of
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ashdown
Museum.
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IELTS academic Number of visitor before and after Ashdown museum refurbishment

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
192 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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