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Number of travellers using three major airports in New York between 1995 and 2000

Number of travellers using three major airports in New York between 1995 and 2000 nx8Ro
The given bar graph illustrates the information about how many passengers used the three major airports in New York City in term of million per year in six years from 1995. To begin with, the number of travellers stood at 27 millions at John F. Kennedy airport in 1995, and it increased remarkably to reach highest point of 47m in 1997. Similarly, the figure in Nework airport rose significantly from 15m in 1995 to more than double of it in 1997. On the other hand, the trend of airport visitors slowly rose in LaGuardia. Which was noticed to 15m increment at the same year. However, it can can observed that the trend was fluctuating in next 3 year at John F. Kennedy airport, and at the end of the period, it stood at 46 millions. On the contrary, visitors, who travelled through LaGuardia hit the peak point in 2000, and in Newark, the number of travellers were the same for both years, 1999, and 2000. Overall, it is evident that the trend was fluctuating during the given period in John F. Kennedy airport; while, in other two airport, where the upward trend was observed.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph illustrates the information about how
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many
passengers
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used
the three major
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airports
in New York City in term of million per
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year
in six years from 1995.

To
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begin
with, the number of
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travellers
stood at 27 millions at John F. Kennedy
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airport
in 1995, and it increased
remarkably
to reach
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
point of
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "47 m"
47m
in 1997.
Similarly
, the figure in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nework
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airport
rose
significantly
from
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "15 m"
15m
in 1995 to more than double of it in 1997.
On the other hand
, the
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trend
of
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airport
visitors
slowly
rose in LaGuardia.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
was noticed
to
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "15 m"
15m
increment at the same year.

However
, it
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can can
observed that the
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trend
was fluctuating in
next
3
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year
at John F. Kennedy
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airport
, and at the
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end
of the period, it stood at 46 millions.
On the contrary
, visitors, who travelled through LaGuardia hit the peak point in 2000, and in Newark, the number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
were the same for both years, 1999, and 2000.

Overall
, it is evident that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
was fluctuating during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period in John F. Kennedy
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airport
; while, in other two
Possible agreement error. The noun 'airport' seems to be countable, so consider using: "airports".
airport
, where the upward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
was observed
.

IELTS academic Number of travellers using three major airports in New York between 1995 and 2000

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
194 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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