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CORELATION BETWEEN THE LITRES OF BEER CONSUMED AND NUMBER OF ALCOHOL RELATED DEATHS

CORELATION BETWEEN THE LITRES OF BEER CONSUMED AND NUMBER OF ALCOHOL RELATED DEATHS b3d2g
The table depicts a clear correlation between how many litres of beer were consumed in 2002 and the number of alcohol-related deaths by gender in 2005 among seven nations. Overall, not only the majority of beer consumption per capita in 2002 was recorded in the Czech Republic, Germany, and Austria but these countries also encountered many deaths related to alcohol in 2005. Looking at the details, 132 litres was a striking number demonstrated in the number of beers sold in the Czech Republic. Whereas, citizens in this country also took the leading position in alcohol-related deaths (1, 369, 000) with the figure for males being considerably more than that of females in 2005. The same situation can be seen in Germany where deaths related to alcohol in males were approximately five times than that of females. The region with the third-highest beer consumption was Austria, with nearly 106 litres, equaling with the figure for Germany. Conversely, the bottom place in beer consumption belonged to Canada although this nation experienced a high number of alcohol-related deaths. A further interest is that Estonia, Ireland also experienced a big number for both sectors, with the figure for alcohol-related deaths in Ireland constituting 582 as opposed to the minimal deaths found in Lithuania (125). In general, both seven nations illustrated a large number of alcohol-related deaths for both genders, but males always comprised a higher rate.
The table depicts a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
correlation between how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'litres' is British English.
litres
of beer
were consumed
in 2002 and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of alcohol-related deaths by gender in 2005 among seven nations.

Overall
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the majority of beer consumption per capita in 2002
was recorded
in the Czech Republic, Germany, and Austria
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these countries
also
encountered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
deaths related to alcohol in 2005.

Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, 132
Possible spelling mistake. 'litres' is British English.
litres
was a striking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
demonstrated in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of beers sold in the Czech Republic. Whereas, citizens in this country
also
took the leading position in alcohol-related deaths (1, 369, 000) with the figure for males being
considerably
more than that of females in 2005.

The same situation can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in Germany where deaths related to alcohol in males were approximately five
Use "(times)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
times
than that of females.

The region with the third-highest beer consumption was Austria, with
nearly
106
Possible spelling mistake. 'litres' is British English.
litres
, equaling with the figure for Germany.

Conversely
, the bottom place in beer consumption belonged to Canada although this nation experienced a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of alcohol-related deaths. A
further
interest is that Estonia, Ireland
also
experienced a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
for both sectors, with the figure for alcohol-related deaths in Ireland constituting 582 as opposed to the minimal deaths found in Lithuania (125).

In general
, both seven nations illustrated a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of alcohol-related deaths for both genders,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
males always comprised a higher rate.

IELTS academic CORELATION BETWEEN THE LITRES OF BEER CONSUMED AND NUMBER OF ALCOHOL RELATED DEATHS

Academic
  American English
7 paragraphs
232 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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