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number of students participating in high school competency exams

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The given chart diagram illustrates the number of students participating in high school competency exams between girls and boys in few subject from 2010 to 2011. The school exams of subject measured in percentage. To begin with the girls it is evident that in many subjects the levels of exam are nearly to each other with noticeable change by girls. Although, in foreign language and in math the boys with girls are on the same proportion. However, in computer science the pretty part of jung women exam capacity higher over 14, 6 percent than by boys. Furthermore, the girls efficiency rose double by chemistry subject in contrast with boys. Despite this proportion, the jung gentlemen are leader in geography with different more than 13 percent, while by girls it is only 10 percent. Overall, the misses exams analyses table obtain female part overestimated. Also the misters are more professional in geography than the girls. Finally the four subjects results are on the same productivity of both with not significant challenging.
The
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given
chart diagram illustrates the number of students participating in high school competency exams between
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girls
and
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boys
in few
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subject
from 2010 to 2011.

The school exams of
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subject
measured in percentage. To
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begin
with the
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girls
it is evident that in
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many
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subjects
the levels of exam are
nearly
to each other with noticeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. Although, in foreign language and in math the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
with
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girls
are on the same proportion.
However
, in computer science the pretty part of
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jung
women exam capacity higher over 14, 6 percent than by
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boys
.
Furthermore
, the
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girls
efficiency rose double by chemistry
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subject
in contrast
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
. Despite this proportion, the
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jung
gentlemen are leader in geography with
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different
more than 13 percent, while by
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girls
it is
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only
10 percent.

Overall
, the misses exams analyses table obtain female part overestimated.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the misters are more professional in geography than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
the four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
results are on the same productivity of both with not significant challenging.
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IELTS academic number of students participating in high school competency exams

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
170 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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