Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

about the cycle of living of the salmon

about the cycle of living of the salmon LjGV
The diagram provides information about the cycle of living of the salmon which is part of big fish types. It can be seen that there are three major stages involved in the process. First of all the salmon eggs live in upper river, which is slow moving. They live approximately 5-6 months under a small rocks in the bottom of reeds while they grow and become a fries. Once they turn into small fishes ( around 3 to 8cm) they start to live in lower rivers with fast flowing. They stay there for approximately 4 years. After this they become smolts which have a size from 12 to 15 cm. Then the fishes transfer to an open sea where they live nearly 5 years. The final stage of the process is while they stay in the open sea and grow to 70-76cm. In other words they finally transform into an adult salmons.
The diagram provides information about the cycle of living of the salmon which is part of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fish types. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there are three major stages involved in the process.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
the salmon eggs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in upper river, which is slow moving. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
approximately 5-6 months under a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
rocks in the bottom of reeds while they grow and become
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a fry" or simply "fries"?
a fries
.
“Once” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Once
they turn into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
fishes
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
around 3 to
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "8 cm"
8cm
) they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in lower rivers with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
flowing. They stay there for approximately 4 years.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
this they
Possible spelling mistake found.
become smolts
which have a size from 12 to 15 cm. Then the fishes transfer to an open sea where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
nearly
5 years. The final stage of the process is while they stay in the open sea and grow to 70
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "-76 cm"
-76cm
.
In other words
they
finally
transform into an adult
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "salmon"?
salmons
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS academic about the cycle of living of the salmon

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
152 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • about the cycle of living of the salmon