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Number of Mobile Phones Sold in Millions

Number of Mobile Phones Sold in Millions bYKL6
The table illustrates the quantity of phones, measured in millions, from 5 different companies that were sold over 6 years. There is a tendency that almost all companies had increased their sales over this 6 years. According to the table, in 2006 Nokia had the greatest number of phones sold to consumers, at 345 millions, whereas Ericsson had the lowest number at the beginning with 74 millions. Although this rate had increased to a high of 102 in the next year, it still was one of the least popular company. In that year Samsung and Motorola almost reached the same rate at 154 millions and 165 millions, respectively. In addition to this Apple started to produce their mobile phones and their sales rate went up to 2. 3 millions. In the following years Apple had been growing rapidly, the same cannot be said for Motorola and Ericsson which were falling down significantly. In 2010, Nokia reached its peak at 463 millions, while Samsung made up 282 millions. In 2012 Samsung and Apple reached their peak at 396, 5 millions and 135, 8 millions, respectively. In that year Nokia started to plunge considerably, from 463 millions to 335 millions over 2 years. Ericsson and Motorola stayed of the least popular companies among consumers, they leveled off to the same rate, at 28 millions. In conclusion, over six years the company Nokia had been fluctuating in sales and in 2012 the almost returned to the rate that they had in 2006. Ericsson and Motorola stayed the least popular companies, whereas mobile phones from Samsung and Apple became of the most popular among consumers
The table illustrates the quantity of
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phones
, measured in
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millions
, from 5
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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companies
that
were sold
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over
6 years. There is a tendency that almost all
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companies
had increased their sales
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over
this 6 years.

According to the table, in 2006 Nokia had the greatest number of
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phones
sold to consumers, at 345
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
, whereas Ericsson had the lowest number at the beginning with 74
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millions
. Although this
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rate
had increased to a high of 102 in the
next
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year
, it
still
was one of the least
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popular
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company
. In that
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year
Samsung and Motorola almost reached the same
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rate
at 154
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millions
and 165
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millions
,
respectively
.
In addition
to this
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Apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to produce their mobile
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phones
and their sales
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rate
went up to 2. 3 millions.

In the following years
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Apple
had been growing
rapidly
, the same cannot
be said
for Motorola and Ericsson which were falling down
significantly
. In 2010, Nokia reached its peak at 463
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millions
, while Samsung made up 282
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millions
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
2012 Samsung and
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Apple
reached their peak at 396, 5
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millions
and 135, 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
,
respectively
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
that
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year
Nokia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to plunge
considerably
, from 463
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millions
to 335
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millions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
2 years. Ericsson and Motorola stayed of the least
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popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
among consumers, they leveled off to the same
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rate
, at 28 millions.

In conclusion
,
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over
six years the
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company
Nokia had been fluctuating in sales and in 2012 the almost returned to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
that they had in 2006. Ericsson and Motorola stayed the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, whereas mobile
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phones
from Samsung and
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Apple
became of the most
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popular
among
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consumers
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IELTS academic Number of Mobile Phones Sold in Millions

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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