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Industrial and Residential Water consumption in Australia in 2004.

Industrial and Residential Water consumption in Australia in 2004. n6Qyo
The Given Pie chart details Water consumption in Australia in the year 2004, and The Bar graph illustrates the data about Residential water usage in Australia in the year 2004. Data is given for usage in Bathroom, Toilet, Washing Clothes, Kitchen, Garden All details are given in percentage. Looking first of all pie chat, it demonstrates that majority water consumed by residential areas which include Apartment and Houses, 13% and 57% respectively. Which is approximately 2/3 of Water consumption in Australia. The remaining area includes Industry, Government, Business and other. 11%, 6%, 10% and 3% respectively. The bar chart demonstrates the Percentage usage of Residential water usage in Australia. most of the water was consumed by Bathroom and Garden, total 55% of all water consumption. The kitchen was consumed the least water of 10%. The percentage of consumption in Washing Clothes and Toilet were 20% and 15% respectively. Overall, it readily apparent that Residential area is the most water consumed area in the year 2004, Specifically Bathroom and Garden were the major consumed area.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
Pie chart
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details
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Water
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consumption
in Australia in the year 2004, and The Bar graph illustrates the data about
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Residential
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water
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usage
in Australia in the year 2004.

Data is
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given
for
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usage
in Bathroom, Toilet, Washing Clothes, Kitchen, Garden All
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details
are
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given
in percentage.

Looking
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
pie chat, it demonstrates that majority
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water
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consumed
by
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residential
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areas
which include Apartment and
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Houses
, 13% and 57%
respectively
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
is approximately 2/3 of
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Water
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consumption
in Australia. The remaining
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area
includes Industry,
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Government
, Business and other. 11%, 6%, 10% and 3%
respectively
.

The bar chart demonstrates the Percentage
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usage
of
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Residential
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water
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usage
in Australia.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
most
of the
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water
was
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consumed
by Bathroom and Garden, total 55% of all
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water
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consumption
. The kitchen was
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consumed
the least
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water
of 10%. The percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
in Washing Clothes and Toilet were 20% and 15%
respectively
.

Overall
, it
readily
apparent that
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Residential
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area
is the most
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water
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consumed
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area
in the year 2004,
Specifically
Bathroom and Garden were the major
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consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
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IELTS academic Industrial and Residential Water consumption in Australia in 2004.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
174 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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