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Number of girls in education per 100 boys in 1990 and 2000

Number of girls in education per 100 boys in 1990 and 2000 VabO
The bar charts provide information regarding the number of girls for every 100 boys in different education levels in developed and developing countries in 1990 and 2000 with the associated target for year 2005. Overall, there had always been more females enrolled in developed countries when contrasted with the numbers in developing countries. Additionally, there were more females than males in universities in developed countries. In developing countries, the number of girls declined as the education level gets higher. There were 87 females in primary education in 2000, while this number was smaller in secondary education where it was 82 and the lowest enrollment rate was in tertiary education where it was only 75. Meanwhile in developed countries, the participation of females in education seemed to be relatively high. For both school-level education the numbers were just under 100 in 1990 and 2000. However, in university-level there were more girls than boys. In 1990, 105 girls were enrolled and it was even higher in 2000 where the number was 112. This figure had already passed the goal of 100 female enrollment in 2005.
The bar charts provide information regarding the
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number
of
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girls
for every 100 boys in
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different
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education
levels in
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developed
and developing
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countries
in 1990 and 2000 with the associated target for year 2005.

Overall
, there had always been more
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females
enrolled in
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developed
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countries
when contrasted with the
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numbers
in developing
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countries
.
Additionally
, there were more
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females
than males in universities in
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developed
countries.

In developing
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countries
, the
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number
of
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girls
declined as the
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education
level
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
higher. There were 87
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females
in primary
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education
in 2000, while this
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number
was smaller in secondary
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education
where it was 82 and the lowest enrollment rate was in tertiary
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education
where it was
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only
75.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
in
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developed
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countries
, the participation of
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females
in
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education
seemed to be
relatively
high. For both school-level
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education
the
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numbers
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 100 in 1990 and 2000.
However
, in university-level there were more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
than boys. In 1990, 105
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girls
were enrolled
and it was even higher in 2000 where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
was 112. This figure had already passed the goal of 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
Possible agreement error. The noun 'enrollment' seems to be countable, so consider using: "enrollments".
enrollment
in 2005.
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IELTS academic Number of girls in education per 100 boys in 1990 and 2000

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
183 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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