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number of enquiries received by the tourist information office

number of enquiries received by the tourist information office E3N2D
The line graph illustrates the information about enquiries received by tourist information office. it covers period of six months from the year 2011. overall representation shows that number of enquiries made by telephone and in-person are more then that of email or letter. after the month of march Both the up and down rising trends can be seen. People mostly chose the telephonic assistant in first three months of the year but after march it became the second most popular choice Till June. Almost 800 people chose the method of emailing or lettering to make enquiries yet over the year use of this procedure decreased tO almost 400 people. In the month of January making an enquiries in person was the least chosen way, only Around 400 used it but however over the period it became people's choice and in the june 1900 people made enquiries in person which was highest among all the methods.
The line graph illustrates the information about
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
received by tourist information office.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
covers period of six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
from the year 2011.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
representation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
made by telephone and in-person are more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
that of email or letter.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of march Both the up and down rising trends can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
mostly
chose the telephonic assistant in
first
three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
of the year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
it became the second most popular choice Till June.

Almost 800
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
chose the method of emailing or lettering to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
yet
over the year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this procedure decreased
Possible spelling mistake found.
tO
almost 400
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of January making an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enquiries
in person was the least chosen way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only


Around 400
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
however
over the period it became
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's choice and in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
june
1900
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
made
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
in person which was highest among all the methods.
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IELTS academic number of enquiries received by the tourist information office

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
155 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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