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The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. 0AMW1
The given pie charts illustrates the number of graduated students of Anthropology did after achieving their under-graduate degree. Also the given table show the pay amount of anthropology graduates in industry, 5 years later. First of all, it can be seen that a little more than half students started working full time which makes it 52%. Total 20% students started working part-time however from them 5% started post graduation along with part-time. Some graduates (8%) decided to join only post graduation program. Yet, 12% students were unemployed and there was no sign of other 8% students are doing. Moreover, the table shows the highest salary is more than $10000 given 40%, 50% and 30% to Freelance consultants, Government sector and private companies respectively. Least salary amount is $25000 to $49999 which were given 5%, 5% and 10% to Freelance consultants, Government sector and private companies respectively. Overall, most students started part time job after under-graduation. And the salary of anthology graduates were significantly noticeable
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts illustrates the number of graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of Anthropology did after achieving their under-graduate degree.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the pay amount of anthropology graduates in industry, 5 years later.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more than half
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
working full time which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it 52%. Total 20%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
working part-time
however
from them 5%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
post graduation along with part-time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
graduates (8%) decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
post graduation program.
Yet
, 12%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were unemployed
and there was no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of other 8%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are doing.

Moreover
, the table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the highest salary is more than $10000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
40%, 50% and 30% to Freelance consultants,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
sector and private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
respectively
.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Least".
Least
salary amount is $25000 to $49999 which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
5%, 5% and 10% to Freelance consultants,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
sector and private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
respectively
.

Overall
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
started
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job after under-graduation. And the salary of anthology graduates were
significantly
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
noticeable
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IELTS academic The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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