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Number of cases of X disease in Someland between 1983 and 1992

Number of cases of X disease in Someland between 1983 and 1992 aADK7
The line chart illustrated how many people diagnosed with X disease in Someland over the course of nine years starting in 1983. As can be seen from the chart, it is clearly evident that the quantity of cases of X disease fluctuated considerably over the time frame. It registered the highest figure in 1980. Commencing at 100 cases in 1983, there was a slight increase in the number of cases of X diseases in the next two years, with to over 100 cases. It then continued to rose at a higher rate, reaching at 200 cases by 1987, after which this figure fell noticably to 100 cases in 1988. At which point, this figure started roaring to the peak of 400 cases before witnessing a moderate decrease of 50 cases in 1991. This was followed by a plunge of 350 cases to 0 case at the end of the period, a fall of 350 cases in 1 year.
The line chart illustrated how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
diagnosed with X disease in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
over the course of nine years starting in 1983.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart, it is
clearly
evident that the quantity of cases of X disease fluctuated
considerably
over the time frame. It registered the highest figure in 1980.

Commencing at 100 cases in 1983, there was a slight increase in the number of cases of X diseases in the
next
two years, with to over 100 cases. It then continued to rose at a higher rate, reaching at 200 cases by 1987, after which this figure fell
Possible spelling mistake found.
noticably
to 100 cases in 1988.

At which point, this figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
roaring to the peak of 400 cases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
witnessing a moderate decrease of 50 cases in 1991. This
was followed
by a plunge of 350 cases to 0 case at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period, a fall of 350 cases in 1 year.
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IELTS academic Number of cases of X disease in Someland between 1983 and 1992

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
158 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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