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number of car journeys into the city centre made by residents and non-residents

The graph illustrates the number of car travels made by local and non-locals into the city center. In early 2020, parking meter was introduced into city center which has reduced the number of car journeys compared to previous years. Later in early 2003, the Westgate street and park lane are closed for controlling the traffic which further decreased the car journeys into the city center. Also we can observe that journeys of residents are comparatively more than the non-residents from 1996-2005. In 1996, the residents visit is near to 10, 000 and non-residents visit is approximately half of the residents. The highest travels by the residents were recorded in the year 1996 & 1998. Whereas for non-residents it is in the year 1999 & 2002. After introduction of parking meter, the residents has decreased their visit and on average of 5000 visits from 2000 to 2002. In contrast, after blocking Westgate street and park lane lane, the non-residents has reduced their visit in 2003 and 2004 compared to residents.
The graph illustrates the number of car travels made by local and non-locals into the city center.

In early 2020, parking meter
was introduced
into city center which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the number of car journeys compared to previous years. Later in early 2003, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Westgate
street and park lane
are closed
for controlling the traffic which
further
decreased the car journeys into the city center.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
we can observe that journeys of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
are
comparatively
more than the non-residents from 1996-2005. In 1996, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
is near to 10, 000 and non-residents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
is approximately half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
. The highest travels by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
were recorded
in the year 1996 & 1998. Whereas for non-residents it is in the year 1999 & 2002. After introduction of parking meter, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
has decreased their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
and on average of 5000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
from 2000 to 2002.
In contrast
, after blocking
Possible spelling mistake found.
Westgate
street and park
Possible typo: you repeated a word
lane lane
, the non-residents has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
in 2003 and 2004 compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
.
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IELTS academic number of car journeys into the city centre made by residents and non-residents

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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