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monthly mobile phone usage by age in one Australian city

monthly mobile phone usage by age in one Australian city o6Oj9
The given table compares the duration of phone usage in different age group in a city in Australia between the year 2007 and 2012. In general, the number of messages sent and received tended to decrease by age group jn both periods. However, whilst mobile phone use decreased with age in 2007, the statistics were completely opposite in 2012 when individuals who older than 64 dominated the time using. Based on the data given in the table, in 2007, the group of people younger than 18 years old ranked first in terms of usage time and number of messages with figures of 760 and 1004 respectively. In 2012, the group under 18 continued to increase strongly while the phone ultilization dropped to the lowest rank with only 322 minutes. As can be seen from the graph, we can divide the age group into two more categories: the first from 0 to 64 and the second is above 64 with different trends. In the first group, from 2007 to 2012, the using time increased by time. By contrast, the amount of texts rose steadily. In the second group, the people older than 64 tended to have the upward trend completely opposite with the first group.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table compares the duration of phone usage in
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different
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age
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group
in a city in Australia between the year 2007 and 2012.
In general
, the number of messages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
and received tended to decrease by
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age
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group
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jn
both periods.
However
, whilst mobile phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
decreased with
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age
in 2007, the statistics were completely opposite in 2012 when individuals who older than 64 dominated the
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time
using. Based on the data
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given
in the table, in 2007, the
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group
of
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people
younger than 18 years
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old
ranked
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first
in terms of usage
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time
and number of messages with figures of 760 and 1004
respectively
. In 2012, the
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group
under 18 continued to increase
strongly
while the phone
Possible spelling mistake found.
ultilization
dropped to the lowest rank with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
322 minutes. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph, we can divide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
into two more categories: the
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first
from 0 to 64 and the second is above 64 with
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different
trends. In the
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first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, from 2007 to 2012, the using
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time
increased by
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time
. By contrast, the amount of texts rose
steadily
. In the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
older than 64 tended to have the upward trend completely opposite with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
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IELTS academic monthly mobile phone usage by age in one Australian city

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
204 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.5
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