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Money spent on household expenses in Japan and Malaysia in 2010

Money spent on household expenses in Japan and Malaysia in 2010 6NGx3
A glance at the pie charts reveals information about the proportion of money spent on household expenses in Japan and Malaysia in 2010. Overall, Japan spent the highest amount of money on goods and services where Housing was the highest sector of expenditure in Malaysia. Both countries spent the least amount of money in the Health care sector in 2010. Japan expenditure the highest amount of money than Malaysia in 3 sectors likely: Other goods and services, Transport, and Health care sectors. Other goods and services were the highest sectors of expenditure in Japan which was 29%, whereas Malaysia spends 26% in this sector. In the transport and Health care sector Japan spends respectively 20% and 6% of its total expenditure which was two-fold in comparison to Malaysia’s expenditure in these sectors. In sectors like Housing and Food, Malaysia expenditure most than Japan. Housing was the highest sector of expenditure in 2010 which was 34%, meanwhile, Japan spends only 21% on Housing this year. In the Food sector, Malaysia and Japan spend respectively 27% and 24% in 2010.
A glance at the pie charts reveals information about the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on household expenses in
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Japan
and Malaysia in 2010.

Overall
,
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Japan
spent the highest amount of
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money
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services where Housing was the highest
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sector
of
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expenditure
in Malaysia. Both countries spent the least amount of
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money
in the Health care
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sector
in
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2010. Japan
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expenditure
the highest amount of
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money
than Malaysia in 3
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sectors
likely: Other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services, Transport, and Health care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
. Other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services were the highest
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sectors
of
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expenditure
in
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Japan
which was 29%, whereas Malaysia
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spends
26% in this
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sector
. In the transport and Health care
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sector
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Japan
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spends
respectively
20% and 6% of its total
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expenditure
which was two-fold
in comparison
to Malaysia’s
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expenditure
in these sectors.

In
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sectors
like Housing and Food, Malaysia
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expenditure
Use "more" to make a comparison with this adjective.
most
than
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Japan
. Housing was the highest
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sector
of
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expenditure
in 2010 which was 34%, meanwhile,
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Japan
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spends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
21% on Housing this year. In the Food
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sector
, Malaysia and
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Japan
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spend
respectively
27% and 24% in 2010.
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IELTS academic Money spent on household expenses in Japan and Malaysia in 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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