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Mobile phone producers for consecutive two years

Mobile phone producers for consecutive two years wMba3
The table shows the market share of world wide mobile phone for producers for two consecutive years 2005, and 2006. Overall, it is evident that Nokia mobile phone accounted for highest in market share with 32. 5% and L. G was the least with 6. 7% To begin Nokia had 32. 5% market share in 2005 which was overall highest in all phone types in market and slightly more (35%) in 2006 Motorola was about approximately 9% higher than Samsung which was 11. 8% The trend for Sony Ericsson was a bit different as it was higher in 2006 with 7. 4%, while L. G amounted to 6. 3%. In 2005 sonny Ericsson was the least mobile phone for producers, amounting to 6. 3% and was 1. 1% lower than L. G phone.
The table
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shows
the
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market
share of
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world wide
mobile
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phone
for producers for two consecutive years 2005, and 2006.

Overall
, it is evident that Nokia mobile
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phone
accounted for highest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
share with 32. 5% and L. G was the least with 6. 7%

To
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begin
Nokia had 32. 5%
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market
share in 2005 which was
overall
highest in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
types in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
and
slightly
more (35%) in 2006 Motorola was about approximately 9% higher than Samsung which was 11. 8%

The trend for Sony Ericsson was a bit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
as it was higher in 2006 with 7. 4%, while L. G amounted to 6. 3%. In 2005 sonny Ericsson was the least mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for producers, amounting to 6. 3% and was 1. 1% lower than L. G
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
.

IELTS academic Mobile phone producers for consecutive two years

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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