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Earnings of Three Bakeries in London

Earnings of Three Bakeries in London gqmDO
The graphs highlights the amount of proceeds which bakeries in London over 10-year period from 2000 to 2010. In general what stands out from the graph is that whileLovely loaves earnings witnessed a decline throught the period, the amount of Robbie’s bakery exprerienced opposite trend. Additionally, there was considerable upward trend in the invome of Bernie’s Bun. Another interesting point is that between 2006 and 2007 Bernie’s Bun and Lovely Loves purchased an equal amount of income, approximately 50. 000e. Looking at the details, with regards to Lovely Loaves, after a slight growth just under 100. 000, earnings saw a significantly decrease to 40. 000. By contrast, the income of Robbie’s Bakery went to reverse direction. Takings fluctated around 55. 000 until 2005, there was then a gradual rise to around 100. 000. As for the Bernie’s Bun, income started at 20. 000E in 2000, there was a marginally grow in 2001 and slightly decline in 2002. After that, figure went up significantly, finishing at around 65. 000e in 2010.
The graphs
You should probably use "highlight".
highlights
the amount of proceeds which bakeries in London over 10-year period from 2000 to 2010.

In general
what stands out from the graph is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
whileLovely
loaves earnings witnessed a decline
Possible spelling mistake found.
throught
the period, the amount of Robbie’s bakery
Possible spelling mistake found.
exprerienced
opposite trend.
Additionally
, there was considerable upward trend in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
invome
of Bernie’s Bun. Another interesting point is that between 2006 and 2007 Bernie’s Bun and Lovely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Loves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
an equal amount of income, approximately 50. 000e.

Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
,
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
Lovely Loaves, after a slight growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 100. 000, earnings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a
You used an adverb ('significantly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('decrease') instead of another adjective.
significantly decrease
to 40. 000. By contrast, the income of Robbie’s Bakery went to reverse direction. Takings
Possible spelling mistake found.
fluctated
around 55. 000 until 2005, there was then a gradual rise to around 100. 000.

As for the Bernie’s Bun, income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 20. 000E in 2000, there was a
marginally
grow in 2001 and
slightly
decline in 2002. After that, figure went up
significantly
, finishing at around 65. 000e in 2010.
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IELTS academic Earnings of Three Bakeries in London

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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