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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1/ Graph Writing - Bar Chart: You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

IELTS Academic Writing Task 1/ Graph Writing - Bar Chart: 70nLy
It has been a debatable topic in recent times, whether family or pears is dominating one's development, especially adults. Because of this, some people think that it will develop anti-social behaviour in Children. However, both family, as well as friends, play an important role in a child's life to enhance his wisdom. And I partially agree with This opinion. Let's begin by taking at the influence of parents on children, most of the family members are trying to pressurize Children by setting goals and comparing their results with others, this makes them feel low and leads to loose self-confidence. For instance, since my childhood, I had dreamed of becoming a pilot, However, my mother forced me to change my passion and now I have a degree in electrical engineering. Self-esteem is very important in Children's lives to chase and achieve everyone's dream. Turning to the other side of the argument, the influence of peers on children can lead to bad behaviour. In present days, we are witnessing most children being misled and misguided by their buddies to do things forcefully. This will kill one's knowledge, wisdom, and self-decision-making skills and sometimes make them like a puppet. An empty mind is a devil's workshop, This This kind of attitude may lead to becoming rebels. In a nutshell, Children's are the Next Generation for a nation needs correct guidance, support, and motivation to reach goals. A sound mind lives in a sound body, so it's our responsibility to correct their mistakes and make sure to follow and achieve their goals.
It has been a debatable topic in recent times, whether family or pears is dominating one's development,
especially
adults.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it will develop anti-social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
.
However
, both family,
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
friends, play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in a child's life to enhance his wisdom. And I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with This opinion.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by taking at the influence of parents on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, most of the family members are trying to pressurize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
by setting goals and comparing their results with others, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel low and leads to
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
self-confidence.
For instance
, since my childhood, I had dreamed of becoming a pilot,
However
, my mother forced me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my passion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I have a degree in electrical engineering. Self-esteem is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in Children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to chase and achieve everyone's dream.

Turning to the other side of the argument, the influence of peers on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In present days, we are witnessing most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being misled
and misguided by their buddies to do things
forcefully
. This will kill one's knowledge, wisdom, and self-decision-making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them like a puppet. An empty mind is a devil's workshop,
Possible typo: you repeated a word
This This
kind of attitude may lead to becoming rebels.

In a nutshell, Children's are the
Next
Generation for a nation needs correct guidance, support, and motivation to reach goals. A sound mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in a sound body,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it's our responsibility to correct their mistakes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure to follow and achieve their goals.
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IELTS academic IELTS Academic Writing Task 1/ Graph Writing - Bar Chart:

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
258 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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