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Men, Women and Children who ate five times of Fruit and Vegetables

Men, Women and Children who ate five times of Fruit and Vegetables QlnQP
This bar chart illustrates the ( percentage of ) Men, Women and Children(who) ate five times (portions) of fruit and vegetables per day in (the) UK from 2001 to 2008 in 8 years. Overall, the highest percentage of all people consuming fruit and vegetables was (were) women, while children consistently accounted for the lowest proportion (can been seen). The percentage of Women who ate fruits and vegetables has (had)increased rapidly from 21% in 2001 to 35% in 2006 and has (had) fallen down to 30% in 2008. Women and Children ate more fruits and vegetables than Men(’s). From 2001 to 2003, the percentage of Men and Children who ate fruits and vegetables remained stable at 16% and 12% respectively. From that point, Men reached gradually to a significant (percentage of) about 27% in both 2006 and 2007. From 2007 there was a gradual fall and reached 27 percent in 2008 )In 2007, the percentage of Children who ate portions of fruits and vegetables increased to 27% and decreased to 26% in the (final year)2008.
This bar chart illustrates the
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(
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percentage
of
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)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
,
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Women
and Children(who)
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ate
five times (portions) of
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fruit
and
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vegetables
per day in (the) UK from 2001 to 2008 in 8 years.

Overall
, the highest
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percentage
of all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consuming
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fruit
and
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vegetables
was (were)
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women
, while
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children
consistently
accounted for the lowest proportion (
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can been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
).

The
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percentage
of
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Women
who
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ate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
has (had)increased
rapidly
from 21% in 2001 to 35% in 2006 and has (had) fallen down to 30% in 2008.
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Women
and
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Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ate
more
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fruits
and
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vegetables
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
(’s).

From 2001 to 2003, the
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percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
and
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Children
who
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ate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
and
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vegetables
remained stable at 16% and 12%
respectively
. From that point,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
reached
gradually
to a significant
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(percentage
of) about 27% in both 2006 and 2007.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
From
2007 there was a gradual fall and reached 27 percent in 2008
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)
In 2007, the
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percentage
of
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Children
who
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ate
portions of
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fruits
and
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vegetables
increased to 27% and decreased to 26% in the (final year)2008.
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IELTS academic Men, Women and Children who ate five times of Fruit and Vegetables

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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