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Meat consumption by an European for 25 years

Meat consumption by an European for 25 years a7Dr7
The line graph gives information about how much fish and three other types of meat was consumed by an European over the course of 25 years. In general, during the period beef and lamb consumption declined significantly with some ups and downs, while the opposite was true for chicken. Moreover, fish remained the least liked meat for 25-year period. The index for beef, which accounted for about 220 grams in the beginning, fluctuated a great deal, reaching a high of roughly 250grams, falling to a low of 100 grams in 2004. Similarly, the proportion of lamb fell to just over 50 grams at the end, a reduction of 100 grams, from what it was in 1979. Although there was a long term stability in the amount of consumed fish at around 50 grams, the same index for chicken rose considerably with the figure rising by 250 grams in 2004.
The line graph gives information about how much fish and three other types of meat
was consumed
by
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
European over the course of 25 years.

In general
, during the period beef and lamb consumption declined
significantly
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ups and downs, while the opposite was true for chicken.
Moreover
, fish remained the least liked meat for 25-year period.

The index for beef, which accounted for about 220
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in the beginning, fluctuated a great deal, reaching a high of roughly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
250grams
, falling to a low of 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in 2004.

Similarly
, the proportion of lamb fell to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, a reduction of 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
, from what it was in 1979.

Although there was a long term stability in the amount of consumed fish at around 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
, the same index for chicken rose
considerably
with the figure rising by 250
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in 2004.
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IELTS academic Meat consumption by an European for 25 years

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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