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Many people want their country to host an international sporting event. Others believe that international sporting events bring more problems than benefits. v. 5

Many people want their country to host an international sporting event. Others believe that international sporting events bring more problems than benefits. v. 5 N71W
Sports has became a huge money making franchise. A number of people think that sports events should be in held in their country, on the contrary other believe that sports events just causes more problems. I think that hosting a sport event in your country is money making plus entertainment, your country gets an enormous attention and is also marketed at social media and other countries too. While some people consider that when a sports event takes place it just causes difficulty for local people such as massive traffic jams near stadiums or sports' courts people tend to get late for work, places they need to be and the fuss about international players and all that attention just irritates them maybe because they have no interest in sports. However, hosting sports event is beneficial for the country not just because people buy tickets but they also pay for the hotels, and places they visit it just benefits your country economically also this is the time where your country can make money out of entertainment, plus it just reduces depression and sadness of the people because now they have a reason to watch their favorite players and games live in the stadium or at home in front of television. Sports events just increases the graph of employment people get employed at stadiums security guards are hired and also for players it is a chance to uplift their career to a new level. Hence, i believe that hosting a sports event in your country is way too much beneficial for the country and it's citizens and the people who criticize it should also think about their country and it's people rather than complaining.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "sport has".
Sports has
Use past participle here: "become".
became
a huge money making franchise. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
should be
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in held in
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
on the contrary
other believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
causes more problems. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that hosting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is money making plus entertainment, your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
an enormous attention and is
also
marketed at social media and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
too. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
takes place it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
causes difficulty for local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as massive traffic jams near stadiums or sports' courts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
late for work, places they need to be and the fuss about international players and all that attention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
irritates them maybe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have no interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
However
, hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
tickets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
pay for the hotels, and places they visit it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
benefits your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
economically
also
this is the
It is better to use 'time' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "time when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
time where
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money out of entertainment, plus it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
depression and sadness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they have a reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their favorite players and games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the stadium or at home in front of television.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
increases the graph of employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed at stadiums security guards
are hired
and
also
for players it is a chance to uplift their career to a new level.
Hence
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that hosting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is way too much beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and it's citizens and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who criticize it should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and it's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
than complaining.
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IELTS academic Many people want their country to host an international sporting event. Others believe that international sporting events bring more problems than benefits. v. 5

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
281 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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