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Many people think that it is better to live their life in one country, while others believe that the opportunities for moving to locations abroad should be used. What is your opinion?

Many people think that it is better to live their life in one country, while others believe that the opportunities for moving to locations abroad should be used. What is your opinion? pKGg9
People have different views about whether to live in their own country or move to a location abroad to seek opportunities. I firmly believe that people should spend lots of their lifetime living in their own country. As far as I’m concerned, people have to face many challenges when they come to living abroad. First of all, culture shock is one of the most important things, people have to deal with when they go to another country, it could take them lots of time to get used to. The second one is the language, as we already know that we could use English in almost countries in the world. However, foreigners have their own mother tongue and it could be very hard for those who want to communicate with them. Finally, the laws of that country could be very different, therefore, it could be an obstacle for them to live in that country. In conclusion, people nowadays should stay in their own country to enhance their lives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a location abroad to seek opportunities. I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should spend lots of their lifetime living in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. As far as I’m concerned,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to living abroad.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, culture shock is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with when they go to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, it could take them lots of time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to. The second one is the language, as we already know that we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
English in almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world.
However
, foreigners have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mother tongue and it could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for those who want to communicate with them.
Finally
, the laws of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
,
therefore
, it could be an obstacle for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays should stay in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

IELTS academic Many people think that it is better to live their life in one country, while others believe that the opportunities for moving to locations abroad should be used. What is your opinion?

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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