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Many people believe that social netwroking sites such as facebook, have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

The given charts represents education levels by two parameters, age and gender in 2002. Overall, the university degree outperforms every other education level by having generally more than fifty percent stake for all ages except above age seventy-five. Although, education levels by gender had pretty similar distribution, non-qualified women and men were greater than the rest of two categories of education. In the bar chart represented, university degree was the top-most education category as per age below seventy-five. However, people with no qualifications above seventy-five accounted seventy-two percent of total population. In addition to this, public with only a school certificate had less than one-third population when compared with university degree between the ages sixteen and fifty. On the other hand, there were less fluctuations considering the demonstration of pie chart of education levels by gender. While, The total number of non-qualified people remains at top with thirty-eight and thirty-five percent for women and men respectively, people with school certificate remain plateued for both genders at thirty-three percent. On the contrary, university degree amounted to lowest category for both the genders.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
charts represents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
by two parameters,
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age
and gender in 2002.

Overall
, the university
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degree
outperforms every other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
by having
generally
more than fifty
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percent
stake for all
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ages
except above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
seventy-five.

Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
by gender had pretty similar distribution, non-qualified women and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were greater than the rest of two categories of education.

In the bar chart represented, university
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degree
was the top-most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
category as per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
below seventy-five.
However
,

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with no qualifications above seventy-five accounted seventy-two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of total population.

In addition
to this, public with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a school certificate had less than one-third population when compared with university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
sixteen and fifty.

On the other hand
, there were
Did you mean “fewer”? The noun fluctuations is countable.
less
fluctuations considering the demonstration of pie chart of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
by gender.

While, The total number of non-qualified
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
remains
at top with thirty-eight and thirty-five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
for women and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
respectively
,

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with school certificate remain
Possible spelling mistake found.
plateued
for both genders at thirty-three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
On the contrary
,

university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
amounted to
A determiner is probably missing here: “the lowest”.
lowest
category for both the genders.
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IELTS academic Many people believe that social netwroking sites such as facebook, have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society.

Academic
  American English
10 paragraphs
181 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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