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Many people believe that look aren't everything

Many people believe that look aren't everything Bw0Y6
In this day and age, people’s beauty is judged by their appearance. While some people argue one’s appearance plays a big role in how people perceive you. Others opinion confirm that beauty come from within the heart. I believe that surficial beauty isn’t everything. Firstly, it possible to change the way other people look at pulchritude of a person. We can see it clearly through Cameron Russell changed her second outfit, we viewed her as a soft and humble person. During her speech, she featured two side photos. On the left is a photo of Russell on a cover shoot and on the right is a photo of Russell doing ordinary things. There is a clear difference between the two pictures, the images have been edited by a professional team, this photo don’t represent who she is and the specially is two photos two hours apart. Just like Lupita Nyong'o once said that there are more valuable ways to achieve beauty than just through your external features. She was focused on compassion and respect. Secondly, the thing she never say on camera is she is insecure because she have to think about how she look like every day. The more famous people are, the more insecure they feel, which makes them always in a state of anxiety, it doesn't make them happy. Halle Berry also said, being thought of as a beautiful woman has spared me nothing in life, worries and insecurities are always in my mind. In general, her discussion make me have a different perspective. Beauty is not what we see on the outside, especially on the magazines. In my own opinion, beauty fades. Nevertheless inner beauty will last forever, nothings is more beautiful than manners and compassion.
In this day and age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
is judged
by their appearance.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue one’s appearance plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perceive you. Others opinion confirm that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from within the heart. I believe that
Possible spelling mistake found.
surficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
isn’t everything.

Firstly
,
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look at pulchritude of a person. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it
clearly
through Cameron Russell
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
her second outfit, we viewed her as a soft and humble person. During her speech, she featured two side
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
photos
. On the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
photo
of Russell on a cover shoot and on the right is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
photo
of Russell doing ordinary things. There is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
difference between the two pictures, the images have
been edited
by a professional team, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
photo
don’t represent who she is and the
specially
is two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
photos
two hours apart.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like Lupita
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nyong
'o once said that there are more valuable ways to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
through your external features. She
was focused
on compassion and respect.

Secondly
, the thing she never say on camera is she is insecure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about how she look like every day. The more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are, the more insecure they feel, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them always in a state of anxiety, it doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy. Halle Berry
also
said, being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
woman has spared me nothing in life, worries and insecurities are always in my mind.

In general
, her discussion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Beauty
is not what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on the outside,
especially
on the magazines. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
fades.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
inner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
will last forever, nothings is more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
than manners and compassion.

IELTS academic Many people believe that look aren't everything

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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