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Famous athletes’ incomes have always been a controversial topic. Some people argue that the amount of money that sports stars receive is excessively large; however, others think that public sports figures deserve that money.

Famous athletes’ incomes have always been a controversial topic. Some people argue that the amount of money that sports stars receive is excessively large; however, others think that public sports figures deserve that money. DwBoW
Famous athletes’ incomes have always been a controversial topic. Some people argue that the amount of money that sports stars receive is excessively large; however, others think that public sports figures deserve that money. In this essay, I will give the reasons why I disagree with the given statement. As far as I am concerned, well-known sports figures have to go through hard training since they were young so they can reach the peak in their career. They have endured many injuries, accidents and other life experiences in order to have the persistence to stand strong in the competitive and fierce sports area. Take Ronaldo as an example, he started playing football in 2001, and was promoted from Sporting's youth team when he was only 16 years old. At that time, he was the first person who played for the under 16 team. He becomes well-known for all the achievements that he has made in contribution to his team and get paid 26. 52 million GBP for his job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Famous
athletes’ incomes have always been a controversial topic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the amount of money that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars receive is
excessively
large;
however
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
figures deserve that money. In this essay, I will give the reasons why I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement.

As far as I
am concerned
, well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
figures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
training since they were young
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can reach the peak in their career. They have endured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
injuries, accidents and other life experiences in order to have the persistence to stand strong in the competitive and fierce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
area. Take Ronaldo as an example, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
playing football in 2001, and
was promoted
from Sporting's youth team when he was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
16 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. At that time, he was the
first
person who played for the under 16 team. He becomes well-known for all the achievements that he has made in contribution to his team and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid 26. 52 million GBP for his job.
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IELTS academic Famous athletes’ incomes have always been a controversial topic. Some people argue that the amount of money that sports stars receive is excessively large; however, others think that public sports figures deserve that money.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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